


The Weirdness

by ashangel101010



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: First Dates, Gen, Getting to Know Each Other, Kylo Ren Has Issues, M/M, Nice Armitage Hux
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:43:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27894772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashangel101010/pseuds/ashangel101010
Summary: Armitage Hux goes out with two Knights of Ren.
Relationships: Ap'lek (Star Wars)/Armitage Hux/Ushar (Star Wars), Armitage Hux & Kylo Ren, Armitage Hux/Kylo Ren
Kudos: 19





	The Weirdness

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing in the Star Wars universe or anything in any universe; I just like writing stories in that universe.

The Weirdness

*

Ap’lek and Ushar approach Kylo shortly after razing the raiders’ base. He’s certain that the pair will request to handle the prisoners. Ap’lek will play mind games with them until he’s bored, while Ushar will test their strength and then slowly murder the cowards. Kylo usually grants them permission, but, for today, what’s left of the raiders will be interrogated by Hux’s flunkies to find out if they have ties to the Resistance. They’ll be greatly disappointed, but Hux will take the blame. After all, it’s all _his_ fault.

“Master, we would like your permission to date General Hux.” Ap’lek says, and Kylo’s about to explain that Hux is an ass. Then, he processes his knight’s words.

_What?_

“Why?”

“It’s in section twelve, sub-section six of the First Order Manual: if an inferior wishes to have a romantic relationship with a superior of another branch, they must have the permission of their superior and, if given, then all parties must submit the proper flimsi-work to HR and then wait for the approval. If all of the flimsi-work is filled out properly, then the inferior must present the approved flimsi-work to the intended-superior before professing their intention. If the superior refuses them, then the inferior must accept it and move on with their life.” Ushar speaks so fast that he’s rasping at the end from overworking his antiox mask.

“That’s not what I meant with the why!” _Had no idea there was a section on relationships. Or that it had sub-sections._ “Why would you go to all this trouble for such a bore?!”

“We find him attractive and want to learn more about him.” Ap’lek says in such a laidback tone that Kylo half-expects him to shrug.

_Poodoo! They have never shown any interest in anyone! Not in women like Trudgen. Not in men like Cardo. Not in sex dungeons like Vicrul. I thought they were asexual like Kuruk. And they have a crush on Hux of all people—_

_Oh._

_This is a game._

_That’s right, it’s one of their games!_

_They’re bored with these low-level scum and want to play with something of higher rank! They want a challenge and what better challenge than cold-hearted, protocol-abiding Hux! It would be interesting for this to play out, but there’s no way Hux will go out with them!_

“I see. You both have my permission.”

“Sign here.” Ushar produces a datapad and a stylus from his kit. After about five minutes of signing his name, Kylo waits for HR and for the inevitable rejection by Hux.

*

Within three days, Ap’lek and Ushar are aboard the _Finalizer_ with all the proper flimsi-work. Kylo has chosen to stay in his quarters and observe his knights through the security feed of the bridge. He imagines them asking Hux out before his lackeys, hoping that a public place would buoy their chances, and then Hux verbally ripping them into pieces. His knights would most likely respond with maiming a few of those cowed officers.

But they wait outside the bridge door, and one of Hux’s officers monitoring the outside security feed lets him know of their presence. Hux goes out to meet them. He talks for a second and then all three head down the hall.

_Is he escorting them out? No, they’re heading right into Hux’s office. Damn! The security feed doesn’t extend to his office!_

Ten minutes later, his knights exit the office sans their flimsi-work. Hux emerges a minute later and returns to the bridge. Kylo waits another agonizing time for his knights’ return.

Ap’lek and Ushar walk into Kylo’s quarters with a calm aura in the Force.

_Wow, they’re taking rejection rather well. They probably knew it was a long shot, or they just Force-choked Hux to unconsciousness and his cronies haven’t found him yet._

“What do you have report on your….quest?”

“He said yes.”

“What?”

“He said—”

“I heard you the first time, Ushar!”

“My Lord, we’ll be going planetside at 1700 tomorrow. We most likely won’t be back until 2100.” Ap’lek informs coolly.

_Four hours for one date? Is that all Hux can spare? Or maybe Hux gave such a strict timetable because he doesn’t want to go on the date, but the knights did put all the effort into properly asking him out, so he agreed to this one date out of pity. Or maybe Hux is just a workaholic who can’t spend a day away from the ship. It’s the latter._

“My Lord, are you there?” Ushar waves a meaty hand in front of his face.

“Yes, I am!” Kylo snaps, and Ushar pulls his hand back before it could be swatted.

“Did you need us at that time?” Ap’lek inquires.

“No…both of you enjoy your _date_.”

*

The planet has a temperate climate in its autumnal cycle. General Hux wears a blue sweater over a white dress shirt with denym pants that show off his sleek legs. Unfortunately, it does nothing for his small ass. His red hair fans across his forehead and nearly sparks in the afternoon’s dying light. He’s smiling and waiting for his dates like a regular, happy person.

_He’s almost adorable, but I know better. This is a front! He’s acting sweet and nice, but once my knights do something wrong, he’ll turn on them. And where are they? They’re not going to stand him up, are they? Maybe this is as far as their willing to progress this game._

But the knights do show up. Without their armor and helmets.

Ap’lek described himself as Near-Human when Kylo asked him about his origins. Kylo doubts it because the strategist-knight looks like a regular tanned human in a black sweater and gray slacks. His minty green hair is a messy stripe down his tan head. His bright green eyes are hyper-focused on Armitage.

Ushar is definitely the most alien in their ranks. He’s built like a brickhouse with patches of red found throughout his sun-orange skin. He wears a black overcoat and black pants that remind him of a pair that Han used to own. An antiox mask hides the lower half of his face. His hair is a topaz-yellow and shorn into a buzz cut. He wears goggles that protect his yellow eyes from the UV rays, but Kylo can tell that Ushar is also focused on Armitage.

They chat for a few minutes, and then Armitage leads them down the street. Kylo follows and relies on his mundane senses since he cut himself off from the Force, so Ap’lek and Ushar can’t sense he’s there. Wisely, he’s dressed in dark clothes that blend perfectly well with the duracrete buildings, even if he’s taller than the average person in the crowd he’s in.

Ten minutes of walking leads to a run-down motel.

_Force, I didn’t think Hux would have sex on the first date! Did they spend all that time in his office kink negotiating!? I’m almost impressed with Hux being able to get a threesome this soon. Maybe he’s actually seductive when he wants to be._

But then the trio walk past the motel and head down the dark alley with a neon sign in an alien language.

_He’s an exhibitionist! Wow, this is not what I planned to learn today. And I really don’t want to watch Hux get fucked by my knights. So I should just bail—_

**_BANG!_ **

Kylo runs across the street, a speeder barely swerves in time to miss him, and heads into the alley. He expects to see Hux trying to blast his knights, or his knights trying to flatten him like a bug against the duracrete. Instead, he finds that the neon sign continues into an arrow pointing down the alley. He continues further and finds a large, metal door.

_Oh no, this is an entrance to a sex dungeon, isn’t it? No, no, this could easily lead to an illegal underworld thing. Like akk dog fighting. Or a really sleazy strip club._

As soon as Kylo approaches the door, it opens by itself and bangs against the wall. He slips inside and finds that there’s no sex dungeon, nor akk dogs fighting, nor a super kinky strip club. It’s just a store.

_What the hells is this? There’s games, flimsi-comics, really bad local art, and I think I smell caf brewing. Is this like a café too? It probably had to be one in order to get customers to go down an alley._

Kylo looks down when he feels his a pant leg being tugged. He sees a Chadra-Fan with a nametag in the same alien language from the alley.

“[What is this place?]” He asks in a broken mix of Minnisiat and Meese Caulf. It takes a long moment of blinking from the bat-like face before they answered.

“I have no idea what you’re trying to say, sir. Do you speak Basic?” The Chadra-Fan says all of this in perfect Basic.

“Uh, yeah, I do. I just….don’t know the local language here.” Kylo admits with red tinging his cheeks.

“It’s Sy Bisti.”

“Ah, yeah, I don’t know that one.”

“Clearly. Did you confuse this for the sex shop? Because it’s in the _next_ alley.”

“Uh, no, I’m here to give my friend his wallet. I saw him duck in here.” Kylo lies naturally.

“The ginger human?”

“Yes! Is he still here?”

“He is. He’s playing holochess with his two friends. Would you like me to get him?”

“No. I don’t want to interrupt his date. Er, dates.” Kylo pulls out his wallet from the back of his pants and takes out some credits. “Just give this to him.”

“You’re a good friend.”

 _I’m not even a good co-commander, let alone friend._ Kylo nearly says, but opts for a quick _thanks_. He leaves the store and heads back to the _Finalizer_. He busies himself with training, half-heartedly meditating, and attempting some flimsi-work before giving up and just making himself dinner. 

He eats alone and then goes to bed.

*

He wakes up to the hissing of his quarter’s door. Only his Master, his knights, and Hux have the access codes. He doesn’t feel the Force, so it has to be Hux. Or Hux gave his codes to an assassin and they’re here to kill him.

Kylo uses the Force to bring his lightsaber to him from the nightstand and then heads out to meet the trespasser. It’s Hux, and he’s dressed in FO-standard pajamas, but he wears green slippers with puffballs on the top. 

“I have never been in your quarters.” Hux admits.

“Nor have I ever been in yours.” Kylo also admits.

“I think I was supposed to give you a tour, but Supreme Leader said you didn’t need one.”

“I could’ve used one. It took me weeks to find my way around.”

“Is that why you never showed up to the morning briefings?”

“Kind of. They also sounded really boring.” 

Hux sighs.

“Even Lord Vader would attend morning briefings.”

“Poodoo.”

“He did! His aide-de-camp kept records on the briefings; you have clearance to access such records.”

“But you’re not here about that.”

“Right. I know that you were following me.”

“….And your proof?”

“You’re the only pasty human with a funny nose that S’Luna got the credits from. And thank you for paying for our caf.”

“….I was not stalking you.” _Force, why did I say that!? He thinks I’m stalking him now!_

“Okay, I didn’t think you were. I think it’s sort of cute you were looking out for your men.”

“……What?”

“You thought I was going to treat them badly and you wanted to make sure that I wouldn’t.”

“…….Yes.” Kylo admits a half-truth.

“Well, I wasn’t going to do anything _nefarious_ on the first date.”

“I think you mean _naughty_.”

“We just hung out in the shop, played some chess, read some comics, and then went to a noodle place for dinner. It was a very lovely evening.”

“Oh…so will there be a second one?”

“I think so with Ushar, but not with Ap’lek, though he wouldn’t mind playing chess again.”

“Well, I hope you get another one.” _And I mean it. Force, I actually mean it._

“Thanks, Ren, and let me know if you ever want that tour.”

“Alright, goodnight, Hux.”

“Goodnight to you too, Ren.” 

*

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s Comments- Here are the links:
> 
> Here is an image of Ap’lek described as the stealthy and deceptive one: [Link](https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/4/40/AplekAx.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20200514083940)
> 
> The stuntman for Ap’lek is cute, so I decided to roll with that and give him anime-colored hair and eyes to hint at his Near-Human origins because the Wookie states that some of the Knights of Ren weren’t human, but only specified as Ushar being the one with obvious alien origins. His hair and eyes are the same color as Phos’s from Land of the Lustrous but with less sparkles. Needless to say as a Knight of Ren, he’s very glad that his helmet can hide how cute he actually is: [Link](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/v2/media/esdRISr9/poster.jpg?width=720)
> 
> Here is an image of Ushar; he’s described as a possible alien due to his antiox mask, which is a breath mask for those who would die if they breathed oxygen, and is also described as the merciless one that tests the mettle of prisoners. If they don’t beg, they get a quick death; if they do, then a slow one: [Link](https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/5/53/Ushar-main.jpg/revision/latest/top-crop/width/360/height/450?cb=20200512080627)
> 
> Since Ushar is possibly the most alien out of the knights, I decided to have him be combo of Ubese and Chuhkyvi with some Kel Dor to explain the antiox mask. I specifically wanted him to be red and yellow like a jasper, but I don’t think there’s any sentient gems in Legends/EU. Do let me know if I’m wrong: [Ubese](https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/swse/images/4/4b/Ubese.jpg/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/340?cb=20170916015159), [Chuhkyvi](https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/c/c1/Chuhkyvi.JPG/revision/latest/top-crop/width/360/height/450?cb=20171021203859), [Kel Dor](https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/2/24/Kel_Dor_NEGAS.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20061130130943), and [jasper gemstone](https://gemfame.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/ak3294-1.jpg)
> 
> Here is an image of Hux’s sweater outfit: [Link](https://pyxis.nymag.com/v1/imgs/3d3/be7/1ee258236feb0795f717d68555c5ef9dd4-best-mens-dress-sweater.rhorizontal.w600.jpg)
> 
> So what happens after this one-shot’s AU? Well, Hux keeps dating Ushar, while playing chess with Ap’lek every now and again. Kylo wants to get to know Hux too and takes that tour; they chat over little things and decide to hang out when they have the time. Eventually, Kylo develops a crush on Hux and decides to have a conversation with Ushar and Hux about it. Ushar and Hux are very accepting, and so they become a polyamorous couple. Eventually, Hux gets pregnant (it can happen in my AUs) by Kylo (because he’s got that Skywalker luck) and they all become a happy little trio of fathers.


End file.
